Author; Brenda Lagat
It’s 4.00 AM in the morning, in my room tossing and turning on my bed unable to sleep. Well this is not like me because I have a beautiful relationship with my bed, I do love my sleep, yeah that is just me. My dad always tells me that “niliolewa na usingizi” that is Swahili for “got married with my sleep”, but that is not really the case. “But why?” A question that constantly kept ringing on my mind but well who could answer me. I lay on my bed staring on my ceiling slowly shifting and walking my eyes through every single thing that was in that room as if it were my first time to be there. The clock hanging loose on my wall ticking slowly reminding me of what time it was and what I would be doing, of course I would be sleeping but that night just decided to rob off my sleep. For a moment I wished that I was there with my three sisters since I would disturb them to waking up hence would not have to suffer the agony of staying awake all alone at night, hehe I know this is mean but that is what they get for being my sisters. People call us the four musketeers, sounds cheeky but I think it’s because we are inseparable. So anyway I decide to venture on a solitude time taking advantage of the moment.
Who am I and what is my identity? This is where it all started; well most of us always mistake this question with our profession and what they are doing missing out the real point. This clearly points out that most us haven’t really understood who we are because we have created so many versions of ourselves. If you are in a hurry to go somewhere, you may not worry about leaving your room wearing a mismatched socks, without brushing your hair or putting on your make up. But what if other people could see beyond your physical appearance and the open areas in your life that they know and look at your insecurities, pride, shame or your pain.
Many of us have just created masks to hide our thoughts and feelings and present an image that we hope will improve our worth to people and by this we end up losing the real us. Sometimes we try so much to become like other people because we so much admire their pathway which looks easy, simple and beautiful than ours but just take a moment and pose a question to yourself, do you think they just woke up to find themselves there, the answer is a total NO, It had to take a process, a process that requires discipline and patience and is not just an easy road as it seems. Most of the times we bury our personal lives deeper and deeper with every single lie, denial of reality and pretence. I once was personally here, where I didn’t really understand who I was and well I can say that my life was a total lie. I always did things to please people and I always wanted to show people that I was feeling okay even when I wasn’t really okay, I smiled when deep within me was crying. I got tired of all these and I decided that enough was enough and I decided to walk out of mask and be real with myself. You got to be tired too , are you tired of always pretending to be someone that you are not, are you tired of pretending that you are okay when you are really not, then you need to get rid of that masquerade and stop exchanging your life for a performance. Realize the price of the masks you wear which costs your happiness and robs you the chance to be you. Understand the price you are branded with, discover your purpose and acknowledge you.
Get rid of that masquerade and enjoy the beauty of the real you for there are no more shade